Reflections

Recently I went for a hike in an area I don’t frequent. I’d been on this trail before though, 7 years ago. It brought back a flood of memories from that time in my life, reminding me of who I was at that point and what my concerns were. I get a bit nostalgic looking back on previous times, wishing I could jump back to that point in my life and see myself through my current lens. What would I tell myself? If I could provide information to change the decisions I made and the path I took, would I? What advice would I give myself for the coming years?

Looks like a great thinking spot. Too bad I was busy taking pictures of it. Wisconsin

While there are definitely some specific events I’d choose to redo, I don’t dwell on that aspect. Instead, I focus on character and personality traits I might like to change. I’d certainly have advice for my younger self on that front. Be more open and outgoing. Take charge of your future. Stay mindful about your feelings and what’s important to you. Nurture your friendships.

Yes, I’d love to be able to travel back in time and tell myself these things, get a jumpstart on making more positive changes in my life. But until I get a flux capacitor installed in Little E, that’s not going to happen. We only have the ability to affect the future.

But the thing is, all that advice I’d give to my previous self is still valid. And I don’t need to have years of knowledge about the future to see some of the changes I should be making in my life today. I might not have the benefit of knowing whether I should be putting all my money in Bitcoin, if Artificial Intelligence will be the end of humanity, or where the next year is going to take me, but I can still come up with some positive changes I know I should be working toward.

Changes like spending more nights in my tent. California

I am aware that my dislike for New Year’s Resolutions might be a cop-out. Maybe I’m not a fan of them because I don’t like to fail. Most resolutions don’t last, and if I make them and end up not following through, it’s pretty hard not to call it a failure. If I choose instead to reflect and make vague allusions to changes I’d like to make, there can’t really be much failure. So it might be better for me in the long run to actually state some tangible goals and commit to working on them. Give myself something to be accountable to. That’s part of what writing is for me, after all, something to keep me honest.

Regardless, I still find the end of the year to be a good time for reflection. An opportunity to look back on the previous 12 months and evaluate whether I’m living in a manner consistent with my values. To take a step back and view my life from a higher perspective.

Perspective like you get from the top of a mountain. Colorado

2017 was an interesting year – exploring new states, visiting another country on a sailboat with friends, unexpected romance, a humbling injury, Ironman, unexpected heartbreak, work, and a few short trips to finish out the year. And there’s so much in addition to the big things it’s difficult to even remember it all. I like it that way though, it makes the year seem longer.

Looking back on it, there are a few things that stand out. First off, I have amazing friends. Friends all over the country that welcome me into their homes and lives. Whether we spend a few hours catching up, travel together for weeks, or basically live together for months with countless meals, laughs, and adventures, you all make my life what it is.

Mountain biking trip. Hayward, WI

But as awesome as my friends are, there’s still a gap they can’t fill. When I started this journey, I wanted to take some time away from the world of relationships to make sure I knew what I wanted and was ready to really be with someone. Finding a life partner has always been important to me, and it actually looked like I stumbled into getting that minor task crossed off for a hot minute. Life had other plans in the end though. I’m still grateful for the experience. It served to remind me how important it is to me to have someone to share life with, and made me realize I’m definitely ready to find that.

So there’s a part of me that feels like I should be focusing more on finding that person right now, maybe settle down in one area for a while and devote some energy to it. Doing some limited dating has made me well aware that my lifestyle sort of precludes any serious relationship with most people. It doesn’t seem there are many girls in a position to date someone who lives on the road.

But a larger part knows that you can’t force that sort of thing, it’ll happen when it happens. That I should just go on living my life and focus on being happy on my own. So that’s my plan, continue doing what I want and trying to live the best life I can.

And in that spirit, I’m looking forward to more traveling in the coming months. My intention was to spend 2017 living out of my van and traveling, but I only ended up actually being on the road about six months. I knew I’d be back in WI a fair amount for races and other obligations, but I didn’t anticipate spending nearly half the year here. It feels like I’m wasting my time. Wasting the flexibility I have right now. I can essentially go anywhere I want and do whatever I please, yet I’ve been spending my time in the same place I’ve lived most of my life. This is definitely something I intend to change next year.

I need more of this in my life. Yosemite National Park, California

While I don’t know the details of what I’ll be doing next year, it’s exciting to think about the possibilities. This has been a very memorable year, and looking back on it makes me happy. I expect 2018 to be even better. There are clearly still things I want to improve though. So, in an effort to give myself something to be accountable to, here are some concrete things I’m going to work on next year.

Push My Comfort Zone. In everything from striking up a conversation with a stranger to traveling places I know nothing about. Constantly pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone is crucial to growth, and it’s something I need to ensure I continue to do throughout my life.

Get Outside Every Day. You’d think this would be easy when you live in a van, but some days I don’t actually spend much time outside. Being outdoors clears my head, it grounds me in the peaceful simplicity of nature. I always feel better when I get sufficient time outside, and I intend to spend at least a half hour outdoors every day.

Learn Spanish. There are so many areas of the world that speak Spanish, and knowing the local language opens up so many more doors when you’re traveling. I’ve been wanting to do this for several years, I just need to start devoting time to it.

Exercise Regularly. Much like spending time outside, I just flat out feel better when I exercise. The human body wasn’t made to sit still. I want to take the fitness routines I developed training for Ironman and turn them into lifelong habits.

Give Back More. This is an area where I’ve realized my actions aren’t aligned with my values. I have time, I have skills, I enjoy doing things for others, and I’m going to start doing more of it.

There, now all of you can ask me throughout the next year how these things are going and keep me honest. Yes, I’m aware these look a lot like resolutions, but I’m choosing to call them ongoing life goals. Because it’s my blog, and you all know I don’t like being told what to do. Cheers to 2018!

Ironman, a definite highlight of 2017. Madison, Wisconsin